But, while speed dating is useful for getting data on initial attraction (there’s good news for narcissists), it’s obviously limited in the sense that saying you’d go on a date with someone doesn’t exactly map to whether you’d marry that University of Texas psychologists Daniel Conroy-Beam and David M.
Once New Yorkers exhaust apartments, subways, and careers, party conversation inevitably turns to the suckitude of dating in New York City.
It’s the narrative engine of at least three of television’s most successful sitcoms and the subject of an endless supply of hand-wringing transplant takes.
But, for all the misadventures of Ross, Joey, Jerry, and Elaine, there’s little explanation as for in.
This is important because previous research on speed dating has found a disconnect between people’s stated preferences for a mate and whom they actually select — even if people claim they’re looking for kindness or smarts, they still typically just make selections based on looks.
The researchers took those preference and mate values and plugged them into a computer model, where simulated “agents,” or virtual characters with preferences matching those of the real-life individuals, paired up with one another in a virtual dating market.
(Kind of like how you can simulate the results of an season with Madden, if you’re so inclined.) In the model, the authors explained, “pairing occurs based on the strongest combination of attractions among still-available mates under the assumption that people will tend to pursue and mate guard mates to whom they are strongly attracted,” which sounds eerily parallel to real Contrary to the speed-dating data, the researchers found a “strong correspondence” between stated preferences and mate selections, both in the real-life data and the simulations.
What’s more intriguing is that the virtual modeling gives further credence to a finding that’s been kicking around relationship psychology for a while — “associative sorting,” whereby the most desirable people are able to find the most desirable partners.
“Our simulation provides the first theoretical evidence that this assortative mating effect emerges from the guiding effects of mate preferences among the full set of dynamics and constraints of realistic mating markets,” the authors asserted.
There’s a sort of romantic invisible hand at work: You can only capture the affections of the people who are available to you, and the most desirable people get to be the choosiest, so they get the pick of the litter, with the litter getting smaller as people pair The paper also offers some hard truths about mate selection, like that “people must select their mates from among restricted pools where ideal partners may not exist,” and that “each potential mate represents a collection of traits, and so fulfilling one preference often requires relaxing another.” And, as everybody learns by the time they hit senior prom, you can’t just crush on somebody; they have to like youback.
There are certainly limitations with this sort of research.
The real-life data was collected from small sample sizes (including a single midwestern county for the newlyweds).