Drawbacks of online dating workaholic dating

One of the top New Year's resolutions is always to find love.And though there are plenty of ways to attract the opposite sexand plenty of bars to check out, it's online dating sites that tend to reap the rewards of the post-holiday slump.January is a huge month for online dating websites, with Ok Cupid seeing a 30% rise in membership, How About We seeing 40%, and seeing a rise of 55% on January 2nd alone last year.

Many people today are turning to the internet as a tool for finding a partner.

The Internet has strong advantages but there are some serious pitfalls .

A "surfer" can immediately focus on people with similar interests, beliefs, age and other important criteria without having to spend time and money "going for coffee." Non-matching people can be sidestepped without ever needing to make contact.

It's "partner shopping" in a global supermarket of humanity.

This approach can morph people into the commodities of others' consumption. Individuals can be intensely "in love" one minute, and not at all later, simply based on appearance. This approach goes against almost everything our body, mind and the Net convinces us is real.

Often, people are in love with "being in love" not with you at all. It's good advice to ask for many photographs, so if physical attractiveness is important to you, a balanced look at someone over time and in many contexts is achieved. Don't project an illusion of a person from one image. The most pain, hurt, brokenness and distress caused online by people attempting to find the divine within each other, is a misunderstanding about the voracity of emotional online connection, and an abandonment of what true love really is.

Robin Williams says to Matt Damon in the movie "Good Will Hunting" (Miramax, 1997), "it's not about whether you are perfect for her, or she is perfect for you..you perfect for each other? A better way is to find perfect love within, and give that unconditionally to another imperfect human being (to whom you are, or are not, at times, "attracted").

Meaningful dating can be done at a distance, even in other countries.

Relating thru writing (emailing) is a quick and efficient way to learn a lot about a person and how they tick, with minimum initial commitment or investment face-to-face and is the heart of effective online dating.

If a "surfer" is not witty or doesn't write well, online dating can be difficult.

Prospects often circulate constantly thru a host of sites. This can make for cynical or dismissive prospects with little care for how their rejections or non-contact affects the feelings of others. Most humans are addicted to initial flirtations and the "drug" of being liked, appreciated and wanted. The connection is based on internalized and selfish feelings, often projections of what we are looking for, rather than what the other person is actually like.