People forget that there is such a thing as destiny, that your ideal match may not be the person you fantasize about, but may become attached to your soul through any set of circumstances.
Those who are subjected to it have to try to face it with courage and faith.But we should all do some introspection about why this is happening. But I suspect that it is one manifestation of an underlying attitude about what makes for happiness -- the idea that I will be happy if I get just what is perfectly suited to Me.Our society constantly promotes the idea that, among the available options, I owe it to Myself to obtain the optimal option. Since, especially for young men, there are a dizzying number of options available, this makes it very difficult to be certain at any point when one has found "the best person for Me." The traditional belief that for every person there is a match who is "bashert" for them, has somehow uncannily morphed into this quest for the optimal mate.I recently read on the article by Rachel Davids, "Another Break Up." Finally after so many years of dating so many people, she thought she was on the verge of settling down and starting her own home. And now with this latest break-up, she is "trying to understand what God wants from me." That is, of course, the question everyone has to keep asking. I am 68 years old, never married, and while people still urge me to keep trying, no one has any actual prospects for me. Unable to face the prospect of further rejections, I simply blocked off that area of my life.But it seems to me that other questions need to be asked: Why is this happening to so many people? As a young woman I hated the dating game, which was cruel and phony.
I am a woman for whom Rachel Davids' worst fears came true.Sometimes I used to wish that my father, who was a professor, would just bring home a nice graduate student for me. Unfortunately, during my 20s I also experienced a number of short-term relationships where physical intimacy was involved. I know now that it resembled nothing of what people in a committed relationship experience.One doesn't learn about marriage from promiscuity, any more than one learns about Mozart from Muzak.And in today's fast and shallow Facebook world, so many relationships -- even without physical intimacy -- are coming to resemble this emptiness more and more.There can be a kind of promiscuity without physical contact.It occurs wherever people "get to know" one another without coming to care for one another.