Redneck rules for dating my daughter

Instead of just standing there, you may change the oil in my car. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: -Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wood stool, -Places where there are no parents, policemen or nuns in sight, -Places where there is darkness -Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness -Places where the temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops or midriff T-shirts -movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes, these will be avoided. The following places are appropriate for my daughter: -Movies that feature chainsaws are okay -Hockey games are ok -Old folk's homes are better 10. I may seem to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged has-been dipshit; but on issues relating to my daughter I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. While you're out with my daughter and the Agent Orange starts acting up the voices tell me to clean my guns while I wait for you to bring her home. And incidentally, the camouflaged face at the window is mine.

If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have only one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. As soon as you pull up into the driveway, come out of your car with both hands in plain sight. Report clearly that you have brought my daughter back both safely and early.

I have 3 shotguns, two 30-06 rifles, a meatsaw, a shovel, and five acres in back.

redneck rules for dating my daughter-58

Let me elaborate on this: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier and I will kill you. You may think that in order for us to know each other better we could talk about sports, politics, or other social issues. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you will have my daughter safely back here at this house, and that the only words I need from you on this are "Early, sir". You may be popular at school with many opportunities to date other girls.

I have no problem with this as long as it is okay with my little girl. As you wait at the door for my daughter to come out and more than an hour goes by, I do not want to hear you sigh or watch you fidget.

Once you have gone out with my little girl, you will date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you wanted to be on time for movies, then you shouldn't be dating.

My daughter will be putting on her makeup, a process that takes longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy.

*** Somethin my daddy wud say 2 ma BF if he found out we wer 2geva. Don't take this as an insult: you and all of your friends are morons.

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as hell not picking anything up. If you cannot keep your hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys to wear trousers so loose that they are falling off their hips. You may glance at her as long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.But I want to be fair and open minded about this, so I propose this: you may come to the door with your underwear showing and you pants ten sizes too big: but in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, fall off your ass during the course of your date with my daughter, I will use my nail gun to fasten your trousers securely to your waist. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing some kind of "barrier method" can kill you. I then shared it with a few friends who have daughters and they loved it too.And I know my daughter would be better off as well!If you are interested in getting the shirt that these rules was turned into, please go to hit “shop the MFD store” In all seriousness (not that those are not serious) I wonder what rules you have in place for your daughter?