I text Bill immediately, telling him the details of Artist Guy’s text, tip tapping on my iphone as quickly as I can, relieved that in asking Bill for advise I am stalling, buying a decent amount of time in the “playing hard to get department. I dove into that “serious” relationship without following any rules. And while I may have sucked at “the rules,” I was quite simply following his lead.
Or, perhaps he simply wants to chat it up via text message? He was tall, had a job and I was still a college student. I never kept him waiting, and dates were never brief.
I have heeded their advice too, because as a woman I have always sucked at following “The Rules” outlined in the bestselling book written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Lisa carefully finishes her sip, reads the text and then confidently puts her phone down stating, “Buck texted.
In this book, Fein and Schneider detail rules women should follow to successfully get men into relationship, rules which mostly involving some version of playing hard to get. I will text him back later, during lunch.” And so I wonder, perhaps “the rules” do not apply to grown ups with jobs, children and responsibilities?
For example, according to Fein and Schneider I should never talk to a man first, call him first and rarely return his calls. I, for example, could not text Buck back during lunch, because this is when I will choke down my sandwich, make dentist appointments, call the caterer and quickly shoot off an email with the to-do list for the handy man. So in an effort to do as Bill says, show the Buck’s of the world that I am busy, that I have a life, am I supposed to skip one of my responsibilities, one of the actual things that truly makes my life busy, so that I could, in fact, text Buck during lunch?
When he was offered a job in Chicago one year later, I told him I wouldn’t move there with him unless we were engaged. Thus, as a divorcee my “man-glish” training has been crucial.
We met in June and in September I decided not to return to New Orleans where I was a sophomore in college, moved to Arizona and then proceeded to feverishly break rules with abandon. And although I sucked at following “the rules,” I was engaged and married two years after we met, at the young age of 22.
And, when I respond to Artist Guy, what the hell do I write? And so it continued, both of us relentless rule breakers. Our second date included meeting his mother, he consistently skipped plans with friends to have dinners with me, and for months my ex-husband went to work at noon, a habit which my roommate, who was also his employee, did not appreciate.They warn it could be dangerous if I open up too fast, and one of my favorite rules to break, go beyond casual kissing on the first date. If I were to have learned and then mastered these rules in some sort of mythical dating school, I would have either failed, or consistently found myself in the offices of Ms. Will this then adequately demonstrate to Buck and the rest of his gender that I am busy, simply because I didn’t text him back when he wrote in the morning –which was the time when I had a few spare moments to TEXT BACK BUCK?!Fein and Schneider, sent to the principal for a variety of horrific dating rule violations. And so when I receive a text message from Artist Guy at 9pm one night, I panic. A few weeks ago I met Rock Star online, a 38 year old professional with exceptional good looks.Bill, one of my best “man-glish” teachers advises me regularly, insisting men need to feel they are powerful. And while I was cautiously optimistic that Rock Star did, in fact, look like his photos, I was interested. I’ve witnessed my twenty something friends live by “the rules,” without much consideration.