Also, I’m sure I’ve said this before, but I am a control freak.I think that if I plan everything and try hard I can make anything I want to happen, While I’ve found this to be true in certain aspects of life, I am wise enough to know that in relationships, effort and planning don’t mean shit.
(Have I sufficiently bragged about how I am going to Paris and London next week?
) I am going to spend this time out being neutral about what the future will hold and not getting attaching to one outcome or another. Whatever happens, I will spend the next few weeks surrendering for a minute and seeing how it feels to be released from any inevitable outcome.
I’m going to spend some time in the cafes of Paris with a notebook and a pen and lots of espresso and wine and croissants.
He responded with the most genius bit of advice ever (and you know how much I dislike relationship advice): “Just be Switzerland,” he told me.
Meaning, I should try to be neutral about the future of my relationship.
“Don’t take the side of hope or the side of defeat,” he instructed. In fact, I am the opposite of being Switzerland about everything.This made immediate and perfect sense to me, the swift kick in the ass I’d been waiting for. I make a decision about what I want to do and I go with it full force and never look back. This roadblock may be like a piece of highway shrapnel that we need to swerve around or it might be more like the Berlin Wall, which would take radical change to make fall. If it’s the latter, I’d better take up graffiti art. I don’t want to go into detail about the impasse my guy and I are at because it’s über-complicated (isn’t it always?) and because I’m a private person sometimes (despite being a blogger).because I’m taking a radical approach to conflict resolution. He’s been with his husband for 15 years now, so he knows a lot about this “making relationships last” stuff.I told him about the issues we were dealing with and expressed being torn over the future — not knowing whether to have hope and fight or stop trying altogether.